Ep 10. Protect Your Time & Energy by Saying No and Setting Boundaries

Episode Show Notes

Why do you say yes when you mean no? And what is it costing you? 

In my experience, saying no and setting boundaries is challenging for many ambitious women, both at home and at work. 

Ambition and dedication are great traits and you have so many things you want to experience and to get done, but constantly squeezing in too much is not serving you.

Not only will it impact your performance and productivity, it can also lead to bitterness and eventually burnout.

Today’s episode will help you uncover the beliefs behind all the yes-saying, and teach you how to say no.

This way, you learn to focus on the most important things and manage your time and energy better. 

Hi ladies,

Do you believe that women are conditioned to prioritize helping and nurturing others, never turning down opportunities or causing disappointment? 

I kind of believe that. 

And even if these are positive things and we just want to do good, women are more likely to end up exhausted because of it. We have so much on our plates, both from ourselves and society. 

We need to learn to manage our time and energy and stop people pleasing, otherwise we end up taking on unnecessary tasks and projects, attending events we don't enjoy, and engaging in activities that don't align with our true desires. 

Besides experiencing the negative consequences mentioned earlier, we rarely get to lead the life we truly want, as our needs and wants are constantly set aside to accommodate others. 

When I work with high-achieving women leaders in my VIP-program, time and energy management is high up on the agenda.

Because, combining the desire to have energy left at the end of the day, and to get the most important things done is not possible without prioritizing pretty hard. 

Somethings’ gotta go. I’m sorry to say that, but we simply can’t get everything done and have 10/10 on every single area in our lives at the same time. 

I call this Say No To Say Yes. 

Because, when you say no to something, you're also saying yes to something else, often to your own well-being. But that means that the opposite is also true, that when say yes, you say no to something else. 

It’s such a great reminder to have at the back of your head when making decisions; 

What am I saying yes and no to in this moment? 

I’ve even made a workshop called Say No To Say Yes, that I run both with corporate clients and in group coaching settings. 

It’s so interesting to see what happens when colleagues start talking with each other about these topics, and the positive effect it has on the team's performance. 

I was running a workshop series with a company about 6 months ago where it was clear that almost every single employee was struggling with people-pleasing. They worked so hard but could not say no to each other nor their clients and partners, and as a result, they were on the verge of burnout and some wanted to leave the company. 

By discussing this and making it come up to the surface, we came up with strategies and examples of how they could manage expectations, say no and prioritize their time better. The results were astonishing!

It’s important to understand that saying no and setting boundaries isn't a sign of weakness or selfishness; it's an act of self-care, strength and courage. And by focusing, you will get better results. 

It’s actually easier to say yes than to say no, and that’s why it’s a default answer. 

If you want to, you can pause the episode here, and go get a notebook. If you prefer to just keep listening, do that. 

I will go through some questions that you can ask yourself to raise awareness around your beliefs and priorities. 

So before I go into different ways of saying no and setting boundaries, I want you to reflect on this; 

• Why do you say yes when you mean no? 

• What are the underlying thoughts and beliefs that come up, that make you say yes? 

• And what feelings do they create? 

Take a pause and think and write it down. 

When I have been reflecting on this I’ve come up with a bunch of reasons why we avoid saying no:

• We want to demonstrate willingness and commitment 

• We want to be liked

• We genuinely want to help

• We are afraid of conflict/jeopardizing the relationship 

• We feel that we don’t have the option

• We feel guilty

• We have been taught to say yes 

• We want to seem trustworthy/ambitious 

• We don’t want to hurt somebody’s feelings 

• We have FOMO (fear of missing out)

So no wonder why it’s difficult to say no. 

But it’s still a necessity, so how can you start saying no with grace and confidence?

The answer to that is practice, practice, practice. 

I remember when I went through stress rehab and the topic of saying no and setting boundaries came up. Every single one of us in that room were struggling with this, so no wonder why we ended up exhausted. 

Here’s a 4 step list that will make it easier for you to say no: 

1: Prioritize your values and goals.

Take some time to identify what truly matters to you in both your personal and professional life. 

When you have a clear vision of your priorities, it becomes easier to say no to opportunities that don't align with your values or lead you away from your goals. This really is key. 

In a work context, think about what you are being measured on. Is this extra work taking you further away from those metrics or closer? ‘Cause if you spread yourself too thin, it will be impossible to nail those goals that you have.

2. Don’t explain yourself excessively when saying no. 

A simple and polite decline is often enough. Remember, you have the right to make choices. Trust your instincts and listen to what your body and mind are telling you. This will make you respect yourself more, and others will respect you more aswell. You don’t need to make a ton of excuses. 

3. Practice the Art of the Pause. 

When someone asks you to take on an extra project or commitment or attend something, avoid giving an immediate response. Instead, let the person know you'll need some time to consider it and check your schedule. 

This pause allows you to evaluate whether you can realistically take on the new responsibility without feeling overwhelmed. 

Some quick questions to ask yourself in professional and private contexts; 

• Do I want to do it? 

• Can I do it? 

• Does it align with my priorities? 

• What are the consequences if I do it? 

• Do I need to manage expectations in some way? 

4. Delegate & Involve Others. 

As leaders, you may feel the weight of responsibility, wanting to handle everything personally. But it's crucial to remember that delegation is a sign of strength, not weakness. 

Trust your team members or colleagues to take on tasks that don't require your direct involvement. This frees up time for you to focus on what truly matters.

Now that we've covered how to say no gracefully let's talk about setting boundaries. 

Boundaries is a big and important topic but in short, they act as a shield, protecting your well-being and energy. Without them, you may find yourself emotionally and physically drained, unable to perform at your best. 

Establish Healthy Boundaries:

Recognize your limits.

Reflect on times when you felt overwhelmed or stressed because you didn't set boundaries. Identify the signs that indicate you're reaching your limit, such as feeling irritable, fatigued, or experiencing difficulty concentrating. Acknowledge these signs as a signal that it's time to set boundaries.

Communicate effectively.

Be open and clear about your boundaries with colleagues, superiors, and even family members. Setting boundaries isn't about being confrontational; it's about respecting yourself and others. When you communicate your limits effectively, you create a supportive environment where everyone knows what to expect.

Stick to your boundaries.

Consistency is key to establishing healthy boundaries successfully. It's easy to give in to pressure or guilt and overextend yourself. But remember, it's okay to say no when your limits are reached, and it's okay to say yes when you genuinely have the capacity.

Learn from past experiences.

If you encounter challenges while setting boundaries, don't be too hard on yourself. Reflect on what you can improve and learn from each situation. Over time, boundary-setting will become more natural, and you'll feel more empowered to prioritize your well-being.

As high-achieving women leaders, saying no and setting boundaries are vital skills to cultivate. By doing so, you can improve your overall performance, health, and well-being. 

Remember, taking care of yourself allows you to show up as the best version of yourself in all areas of life.

If you have any questions or want to share your experiences, I would love to hear from you. 

Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or Instagram and let me know what you took away from this episode.

Until next time, take care of yourself and go be a badass!