Ep 20. Boost Your Mental Fitness: A Guide to Conquering Inner Critics
Episode Show Notes
A couple of months ago, I had a coaching session with a new VIP client, and as always, I finished off by asking; What are your main takeaways from today?
She said,
“That maybe, there’s a way that I can be successful, without killing myself”.
And I answered, YES there is! And not only that, you will be MORE successful this way.
Her response really hit me, and I know that so many of you out there, are working so hard, but with constant feelings of self-doubt, self-criticism, stress, and anxiety, which affects both your mental health and your performance.
The topic my client and I had been exploring during that session, was the 10 saboteurs from Positive Intelligence and how they affected her.
What on earth is that you might ask?
It’s a framework that could revolutionize how you think, act, feel and live, and unlock your true potential.
In this episode I will walk you through those 10 saboteurs, giving you examples of how they might show up in your life and how counteracting them will boost your mental fitness.
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Hi ladies,
Leadership isn't a walk in the park. External pressures, internal doubts, and huge responsibilities can sometimes be overwhelming.
I totally get that!
But, what if I told you, that there are super concrete ways that you can get rid of a big bunch of your stressors by awareness of your inner critics?
And find ways of maximizing your potential, success and mental fitness muscles?
I have been talking about the inner bitch before and this is somewhat related, but going a lot deeper into the topic, looking at origins and self-sabotage.
The framework of Positive Intelligence was invented by Stanford professor and neuroscientist Shirzad Chamine and it’s mindblowing.
They put together Positive Psychology, Neuroscience, Cognitive Behaviour Psychology, and Performance Science and came up with this revolutionary work.
I’m a coach in this framework and take pretty much all my VIP clients through it, as it makes such a difference in their wellbeing and performance.
Through factor analysis, Shirzad and his team discovered 10 saboteurs as the sources of all our negative emotions such as shame, guilt, fear, stress, anxiety, anger, self-doubt, frustration, and mind chatter.
But also, 5 sage powers that activate all the positive emotions, empathy, compassion, gratitude, curiosity, joy of creativity, and calm, clear-headed laser-focused action.
This region is wired for creativity and big-picture awareness of what is important and the best course of action.
Something you need in your life and leadership.
So for every given situation, there is a sage power that would be better to use than a saboteur.
So being in sage mode more often leads to better stress management, improved relationships, increased productivity and performance resilience, happiness, leadership etc.
So now you might understand why understanding and mastering these saboteurs, internal critics we all harbor, can be a game-changer in mastering all sorts of challenges.
Because awareness is always the first step to change! We cannot change what we are not aware of.
So, let’s start with the Saboteurs.
You can think of them as internal enemies, or mental habits that hijack your peace, performance, and relationships.
But here's the good news: just by recognizing them, you empower yourself to shift and even eliminate these destructive patterns.
I will go through the 10 saboteurs one by one, and also giving examples of how they might show up.
The Judge: This is the master saboteur. The Judge is incessantly critical, not only of ourselves but also of others and situations. When you're constantly finding faults or focusing on what's wrong, you're letting The Judge dominate.
An example of that is yourself in a meeting.
You've just presented a strategy, and immediately, a voice whispers, "It wasn't good enough." Or maybe, "Why did Jane not agree? What's wrong with her?" That's The Judge, constantly critiquing you and others.
The Stickler: Perfectionism at its worst. The Stickler thrives on perfection and can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. It's a trap many high achievers fall into, especially in leadership roles.
Remember the time when you spent late hours refining a project, even when it was already excellent? The Stickler traps us in the cycle of perfectionism, leaving no room for healthy imperfections.
The Pleaser: Always aiming to please others? The Pleaser is at play. It makes us lose sight of our needs and desires, leading to burnout and resentment.
Have you ever overcommitted, saying 'yes' to multiple engagements, because you didn't want to let someone down? That's The Pleaser, making us step over our needs for others'.
The Avoider: This saboteur causes procrastination and avoidance of difficult situations or conversations. It keeps us from confronting issues head-on.
Think of a difficult conversation you've been postponing with a team member. The Avoider pushes all the unpleasant stuff, discussions, and potential conflicts to the future, often leading to bigger issues down the line.
The Restless: Never content with the present moment, always seeking more?
The Restless can prevent you from experiencing joy in the now. This can lead to jumping from one thing to the other, seeking pleasure or quick validation or confirmation. Or procrastination of important tasks.
The Controller:
The Controller wants to be in charge and control situations, which can be exhausting. The Controller can make collaboration really challenging and finds it hard to trust others. It can also make it hard to delegate, fearing things won't be done "your way"?
This leads to high anxiety and impatience.
The Victim: This saboteur plays the role of the emotional martyr. It leads to passive-aggressiveness and can strain relationships.
Reflect on a time you felt unrecognized despite your sacrifices. The Victim makes us feel we're always at a disadvantage, leading to pity parties and not taking responsibility.
The Hyper-Rational: Overly analytical and detached from feelings? This saboteur can lead to difficulties in personal connections.
In data-driven decisions, do you sometimes overlook the human element? This saboteur can make our leadership seem distant and unempathetic.
The Hyper-Vigilant: Always on edge, waiting for something to go wrong? This is the work of the Hyper-Vigilant, leading to constant anxiety.
Preparing for every potential disaster? It's essential but being constantly on edge can strain both our mental health and team dynamics. And it’s super stressful to always be on high-alert.
The Hyper-Achiever: Are you dependent on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation?
Maybe you just finished a project with a straight A, but that’s not enough or doesn’t count so you go chasing for the next thing.
Having this saboteur can mean a big burnout risk, and also lack of fulfillment.
Something that can be a bit reassuring is that not one person walking on this earth is free from saboteurs. They are formed when we are kids and are survival mechanisms.
So if you recognize yourself in some of these, nothing is wrong with you and you’re not broken.
You can see them as your biggest strengths but taken so far that they become destructive.
For example, having the high-achiever saboteur usually means being very ambitious which is awesome, but when it leads to burnout and constant stress, it’s taken too far and will impact you in a negative way.
Usually, we have a combination of these saboteurs, some being stronger, and they also work in combination with each other.
And these saboteurs aren't just abstract concepts; they're real, tangible forces affecting our daily decisions and wellbeing.
Now, recognizing these saboteurs is the first step.
The transformative power comes from learning to manage and weaken their influence.
And that's where I come in.
In my coaching sessions, I work closely with high-achieving women leaders to not only identify these saboteurs but also to cultivate what we call "The Sage" mindset – a positive and empowered mindset that counters these saboteurs.
Understanding these saboteurs can be a game-changer. It brings clarity, reduces stress, and most importantly, brings back joy and purpose in what you do.
I have seen both first and secondhand how working with this framework has changed both my own and my clients lives for the better.
So how can you find out how you might be self-sabotaging?
Start by doing the free self-assessment on their website. I’ll drop a link to this in the show-notes.
Like I said, awareness is number one. We cannot change what we are not aware of.
And then, it’s time to take on the work!
There are two ways we can approach this together;
Either you head to my website, sofiavoncelsing.com, and fill out a work-with-me application, and I will be in touch to book a discovery call.
Then we will explore where you are now, and where you would like to be, and what’s in the gap. I will explain how we’ll work with the saboteurs as one part of my 4-month VIP program and how that could change your life, health and happiness to the better.
Or the second option is to book a 90-min strategy session with me, where you send me results of the assessment beforehand and we can be laser-focused on that and the options for you to take it on.
So, if you're ready to recognize and tackle these saboteurs and switch to more productive and healthy ways of thinking, acting and being, I’m here for you!
Let's go on this journey together, redefine your success, and unlock your true potential and happiness!
I only have a few open spots now for VIP clients starting in October and November, and one of them has your name on it.
I would love to talk to you!
Until next time, take care of yourself, and go be a badass!
