Ep 1. Is Your Inner B*tch Running the Show?
Episode Transcript
Do you often get stuck in the self-critical rabbit hole?
I’m seeing too many of my clients and friends being ruled by the feeling of not enoughness.
They are not enough as a parent, as a partner, as a co-worker, friend, sister, daughter – you name it.
This is creating unnecessary stress and can spiral into anxiety and impostor syndrome.
I’m hearing things like, “If I stay late at work, I feel that I’m not home enough and miss out on time with the kids, and if I’m going home early, I feel that I’m not committed and ambitious enough at work and others will judge me.”
This is a VERY common thought among ambitious high-achieving women leaders, and it’s not doing you any good. Not only does it sabotage your mental health and happiness, it also shrinks your performance levels.
That’s what this episode is about, to learn how to become aware of the stories that are running in your head and what to do with them.
Stressed and Burned Out in the Corporate Wars
I used to have real issues with negative and self-critical thoughts. In 2013, I went through a severe burnout. I was 27 and those thoughts would run through my mind constantly.
What I didn’t know then, was that the stress and anxiety got triggered by the thoughts, and the thoughts fueled certain behaviors and reactions in my body. Disaster.
I don’t want you to end up there!
What I learned over the years was to become aware of my thoughts and to switch them to more positive and empowering ones. This fueled more positive actions, and then I had a constructive spiral instead! You can do this too.
Source of a Woman Leader’s Negativity
Something that’s good to know is that the purpose of that inner voice is to keep you safe and alive. It wants to protect you from something. Maybe something that happened in the past. It could have been necessary at some point, but it’s not needed anymore.
I’ve come to call that voice for my Inner Bitch.
Now I’m going to make an analogy.
Imagine yourself out walking in the dark and feeling a bit scared. What happens if you get a torch out and suddenly you can see what’s hiding in the darkness?
How much less scary did it become all of a sudden?
It’s the same thing with your thoughts!
When you bring out the torch and shine a light on them, they loose some of that power over you!
You can see them more clearly, and maybe also separate them from each other.
The Way Women Leaders Get Into a Positive Flow.
There are many techniques for this that I use regularly with myself and my clients, but I’m going to teach you one that I use often; “Quiet the Inner Bitch”.
When you notice self-judging or critical thoughts, take a few deep breaths.
Give the voice a creative name — The Mean One, The Judge, The Inner Bitch — whatever fits.
Bring out the torch and listen; what’s her main message and what is the context?
Thank her for her protection and show compassion for yourself.
Now, we are going to structure this according to a model:
A: What’s the situation?
B: What are the performance-interfering/negative thoughts about?
C: What’s the emotional & physical reactions? What behaviors follow?
D: What would be some positive/motivating thoughts that you can replace the negative ones with?
E: What’s your new strategy? (New thoughts + actions.)
I’m going to give you an example here to make it easier to grasp.
One of my clients had a situation where she felt impostor syndrome before an important workshop with the lead team.
This was affecting her ability to be present and productive at work and she had anticipatory stress around it.
We looked at her thoughts and saw that they were about not feeling good enough, smart enough, wondering if she belonged there, etc.
The symptoms were anxiety, stress, and some physical reactions in her body.
The new thoughts that she will think and affirm to herself is; “I am enough”, “I belong here”, “I am prepared”, “I have a lot to contribute with”, “They need me there”.
All of which is true! It’s not making things up.
Her new strategy is to affirm those thoughts to herself, meditate and do some power poses before the meeting and interrupt herself if she goes into the negative thought pattern.
Just that exercise switched her mindset and energy so much!
When you learn to quiet your inner bitch, you will feel more confident in all areas of your life. She was the reason for your constant busyness and low self-esteem.
When I work with high-achieving women leaders in my VIP program; Unleash The Badass Within, we go deeper into this process to help you make friends with yourself so you feel powerful.
So how will you switch off your negative thoughts?
Take care of yourself and go be a badass!
